Funny Cross Stitch Patterns that are Inappropriate but Fabulous!
DISCLAIMER: These cross stitch patterns are not for the faint of heart. These are not your grandmas patterns. Many contain cuss words and words that might be offensive. If you are easily offended please don’t scroll through the rest of the post. I have a total potty mouth around my closest friends and I keep it under wraps around my kiddos and in my public life but secretly deep down I find these inappropriate funny cross stitch patterns totally fabulous! This is a light hearted and fun post and I am not trying to say anything through the post. If you don’t like it please leave now and don’t scroll down and get all in a huff pretty please! Here is a huge list of subversive cross stitch patterns to keep you entertained!
Cross Stitch Patterns that are Inappropriate but Fabulous!
If I could I would make lots of these and have a wall full of hoops with inappropriate sayings. But I have kids so I have to just laugh at them on the internet for now! When you make one send me a photo so I can live vicariously. If you are looking for fabulous cross stitch patterns that don’t have bad words check THESE out.
If you are more of an embroiderer, THESE funny embroidery patterns might be for you!
Click the title or image to be taken to the pattern.
Funny Cross Stitch Patterns
I find these cross stitch patterns to be hilarious! I just love the juxtaposition of a beautiful technique with bad words. Maybe I still have the sense of humor of a middle schooler but I make no apologies for it! You have to tell me which of these funny cross stitch patterns is your favorite, leave me a comment in the comment section below.
Bitch Patterns
Resting B*tch Face
I think I totally have one of these! I just can’t help it. The scowl is permanently etched on my face.
Abracadabra B*tch
Ha! Have someone you need to send a nastygram to? This would be ideal! Ok I would never send a nastygram but I might send this to a friend since we know what we are!
Adios Bitchachos
Ha! Love this one!
Funny as F*CK Patterns
Rainbow F*ck Pattern
Y’all know I love a rainbow right? And this may be my favorite cuss word. This one looks like a ton of work but one that would totally be worth it in the end.
Fresh out of fucks
I ran out of these a long time ago!
F*ck Off Pattern
Can I put this on my door for solicitors? No I don’t want solar panels or to convert.
F*ck Housework
OMG YASSSS! I am the absolute worst at housework. I hate it with the fire of 1000 suns!
Running Out of f*cks
Please say it does count as cardio.
Because F*ck You
Hahaha need I say more?
Do all Things with Kindness
Yes be kind always!
F*ck Pattern
Ha! Don’t be offended. I told you this was my favorite curse word!
More fun patterns
Wtf?
This is so appropriate right about now!
Swearing will help
I mean, doesn’t it ALWAYS help?
Don’t P*ss Me Off
Seriously! I need to put this somewhere that my husband can see it all the time!
Nice Poop
Hang this one in your bathroom to give your guests a good chuckle! Make sure you have some Febreeze to go with it.
Shit Happens
Yes it certainly does.
Kinda Perverted Patterns
Every Hand You’ve Shaken
Ok you guys I totally debated not putting this one in but I couldn’t resist. This hits me right in my funny bone and I think it is freaking hilarious! I hope you take it that way too! I bet you had never thought about it this way had you?
Don’t be a prick!
Seriously, just don’t be one!
Anything can be a dildo…
How brave ARE you??
Blow Me!
Seems about right to me…
Great Tits
These birds are called…oh nevermind.
PIN Funny Cross Stitch Patterns that are Inappropriate
I hope you found this post to be lighthearted and fun. If not, I did warn you at the beginning to skip it! Will you use one of these cross stitch patterns? Share with me in the comments below.
Louise Biedrzycki says
OMG! I wish thatI would have saved my cross stitch things! I threw them away before our last move. These are hysterical 😭
sewwhatalicia says
They are too funny right?
Laura says
You can always buy more!
Yvette says
I want to make every f*cking one!!! xoxo
sewwhatalicia says
Hahahahaha <3 <3
Vicky says
I’ve had a good laugh, I’ll probably be making the bathroom one!
Laura says
I cross stitched “Please do not do coke in my bathroom” for a friend for her bday. It’s hanging above her toilet. 😋
sewwhatalicia says
I LOVE that! Hahaha. There are so many funny patterns out there!
Dana says
I’ve seen that one many times, but I think it should also say, “unless you plan on sharing.”
Kate says
These make me smile – I love them!! ‘-‘
sewwhatalicia says
I am so glad you love them! They make me smile too! I just love these cross stitch patterns they are so therapeutic!!!
Deborah Lockley says
OMG!!!!!!! ROTFL. These are hilarious. I Love all of them especially the hand shake and do all things with kindness ones. I wish I did not have arthritis in my hands. I can’t hold needles so cross stitching is something I can no longer do.
sewwhatalicia says
The handshake one is definitely my favorite! I thought it was so clever and unique! That is a bummer you can’t do it anymore. Are you able to do anything else crafty to use your creative side?
Jay Johnson says
These are fantastic! I’m tempted to make a few for my more enlightened friends.
sewwhatalicia says
I have a few enlightened friends too! We always tag each other on Facebook now when we find something hilarious!
Marguerite Velasco says
Just started cross stitching & I’m definitely going to do alllllll of these!!!! All gems for sure!
sewwhatalicia says
Isn’t cross stitching so fun? I just love creating all of these fun patterns! I can’t wait to see yours when you are finished. Share a photo if you want over on my Facebook page.
Barbara Cameron says
Fucking hilarious! Most I’e seen, but the one about dicks…..Too funny! And I’m 58!
sewwhatalicia says
Hahahahaha that one is my favorite too!! Seriously funny. I can think of a few of my friends who need that one, heck I need it!
Lissa Gilson says
I am SO doing some of these – some for our new house bathroom, and some of the ‘more adult’ ones, for a friend. Cannot WAIT to get started!!!
sewwhatalicia says
Lissa I would love to see what you end up with after it is finished! You can share over on my Facebook page or email me!! Isn’t cross stitch so fun??
Sandy says
BAJAJAJAJAJAJA My pissy sissy and I say this shit all the time. I haven’t cross stitched in a long time, but I think I’m going to have to start back!
Lynn says
Many years ago, my brother and SIL bought a boat. To celebrate, I made them a cross stitch to be hung in or near the head. It read, “Please be seated regardless of sex. First mate does not do walls.” I’m not sure he appreciated it. 😀
Lynn says
These are fantastic!
Margie says
Way to funny, just rotflmao
Crochet Connections says
freaking hilarious!! do you have the Rainbow fu*k one but with luck?
Mrs. Diane Warde says
You are extremely talented, creative, and hilarious! I love these.
Keely says
Cursing and Cross Stitch are very therapeutic. Seriously, I cross stitch so I don’t kill people!
Marella Joyce Troyer says
I have a t-shirt that says “I Cross Stitch so I don’t choke people”… It is so true
Claire Fleisher says
These are awesome! Do you do any custom orders? I’d love to make my boss one but can’t find the quote
sewwhatalicia says
I would find the pattern you like the most and message that Etsy shop owner over on Etsy! I am sure you will find someone who can do it there! <3 Alicia
Michelle says
I f*ckn love them. Sooo funny xx